| complete with ... wasabi.
Current mood: trashy
heck yes. I got a myspace. www.myspace.com/marker_sniffer <-- I beleive that's the correct link. If not, alert me- and I can edit it, with my... XANGA PREMIUM TRIAL. >.O shit i didn't want it.
Okay... so today i FINALLY found a copy of The Used's latest. (IN Love and Death.) I nearly exploded. I broke out screaming and bouncing around. then I skipped all the way through the record store to the front and wouldn't let the Cashier take it out of my hand. I made him scan it while I was still clutching it. THen I screamed again and almost forgot to pay... but I bounded out of the store screaming and crying. Litterally- tears of joy were streaming down my face... you'd have to know that i made my Grandmum stop at EVERY record store we passed on our way to Anaheim, Cali (disney land trip.) And stopped again on the way back... NO RECORD STORE ACROSS THE WEST SIDE HAD IT!!! and I found it! I exploded. And I'm listening to "all that i've got" on repeat. 'cause I'm like that. When I like a song, I'll listen to it OVER and OVER and OVER.
'cause. I'm like that... you with me here people?
But yeah... before I got my CD, I'd grabbed Faith (guy i know. 'bout fifteen. awesome name, huh?) and got kicked out of Wal-Mart. Know why? Because, I'm a coke fairy. I wore my tiara and my wand and ran around (sober) and hit people with it. I got chased around with a foam pool noodle. and i got yelled at for dropping boxes of glow-in-the-dark super-studded party condoms in random people's carts. and I bought a box of flavoured ones, though, I have no use for them exept to chew on and use as balloons after the flavours gone. Because- my ex is up in Portland, and no one else since him's really seemed... fuck-able. (shit. now i sound like a whore.) WHAT I MEAN WAS- I haven't met anyone that I really connected with on a level where I actually loved them enough to do that. Or, liked. for that matter. They were all just horny virgin juniors that thought i was easy because i was a coke fairy.
YOU CAN'T FUCK ME JUST BECAUSE I'M A COKE FAIRY... and I bet I've lost you now, because I like to write, and I write a lot, and most people aren't capable of reading everything I write.
wait wait wait! I -did- meet someone. but, it was my last night in disney land, and i highly doubt he even really thought I was all that great, in terms of... sex appeal, or whatever. anyway, >.O hopefully I'll talk to him again. (wait a sec. he's probably reading this.) Oh well. Self esteem low enough to the point where I wouldn't be surprised if he called me a clingy freak of nature right now. el-oh-fucking-el.
because, dear, I'm -not- clingy. usually. Well, actually, I'm VERY clingy but in such a sense where I'm not gonna die without the guy. Hell, I only hung out with him for three hours... dammit.
so. here's one of my many poems I feel like editing and posting:
~razor saviour
something to warm my chills
anyone.
anything.
to notice how damp my face is from crying.
my tears
as delecate as lace...
i need an embracement, someone
someone to hold me, and save me from this
emotional crusade.
where all my broken heart feels left untouched.
and all my anguish rots me away.
wishing for a sign,
a broken arrow,
to direct me.
when all i ever needed
all i really want
is someone to understand-
left un-noticed for so long.
so lonely, i miss laughing
with people i never minded being around
never disturbed by their presence...
foolish of me to believe
that i could stand without bleeding.
i know now.
i was wrong this whole time.
stand me on my feet again,
oh razors- my saviours.
warm me in your loving light
save me from my darkest night
dust me with the glitter of gaping wounds
and grace me wth the presence of
swaying on the edge of death.
i've been in this solitude so long
wishing for the past
to return
never smiling for what i had
always begging for something long gone
never to return.
ignored for my inability
to interect with life
forgotten
and left to satiate this hunger on my own
in a darkened feild where all my fears grew ripe
where all my anguish mocks me
and i feel too worthless to look.
save me, i've bled so much
bloodless, hearless
i need you now
more than ever before
my hands and knees sore from crawling
for salvation that called for
the tools of the trade I never had
in me.
all this time
all i thought i needed was quitness and solitude
but now i can feel again-
and i know what i am feeling-
all i ever wanted was someone to hold me.
all i ever wanted was to say,
"I love you"
and mean it. |
